Many young couples are busy spending their weekends planning where they’re going to take their partner out for a nice dinner or where they might enjoy a nice date together. A joint visit to a financial planner may not top the list of romantic date ideas. Yet, surveys show Americans are getting clear-eyed about the importance of money as more young couples agree that talking dollars and cents early on is the sensible thing to do.
A whopping 40% of millennials say couples should talk finances before their relationship gets serious, while almost a third (32%) of Gen Z feel the same.
Those were the results released in December from Northwestern Mutual’s 2023 Planning & Progress Study.
The vast majority of Americans agree deep talks on money should occur before a couple commits for the long term.
Only 18% of Americans believe couples should discuss finance after marriage or never at all.
“The rules for relationships are changing. First comes love, then comes real talk about financial dreams and debts, and then comes long-term commitment,” explains Christian Mitchell, chief customer officer at Northwestern Mutual. “A candid conversation about money can help a couple to fall in love with the future, too. Finances play a major role in many relationships, and more partners want to be on the same page before taking the plunge.”
Despite this, many people delay discussing this vital issue. In fact, according to a survey by Western & Southern Financial Group, one in three couples don’t discuss important financial topics until after they take their vows.
Why Is It So Hard To Break the Taboo and Talk About Money?
Cultural norms make it uncomfortable for many to talk about money openly, especially when two persons may come from vastly different socio-economic backgrounds. Yet financial gurus say if a partner avoids talking about the topic, it’s time to stop and investigate.
“If they won’t talk about money at all with you, that’s a huge red flag,” Ramit Sethi, host of the new Netflix show How to Get Rich, told CNBC last year.
Sethi, whose show features the drama of couples handling stressful money issues, says most people only talk about money when it becomes a problem. He asserts that the most financially successful couples habitually speak about it regularly.
This doesn’t mean comparing budgets or salaries on the first date. Sethi encourages couples to talk about money at “natural, pivotal moments” in their journey. By disclosing financial goals and viewpoints, a couple can better see where they align and differ on various monetary issues.
Spending Eye-to-Eye
Congruent financial values are a hallmark of a long-lasting, healthy relationship. Financial compatibility is broadly recognized as one of the top categories of alignment, with 35% of all respondents stating it is more important than physical and intellectual compatibility.
Younger generations feel even more strongly about it. Nearly half (49%) of Gen Z and (40%) of millennials view financial compatibility as more important than physical compatibility, while only 30% of boomers feel the same way.
“These findings put a new twist on what it means to have good chemistry between partners,” says Mitchell. “It is clear that all Americans, especially Gen Z, see financial compatibility as one of the core ingredients of a solid match.”
Break the Ice
For those who haven’t had “the talk,” there are numerous topics couples can touch upon to get the ball rolling.
Couples who cohabitate and buy food together can start by discussing their grocery bill. For instance, cutting back on expensive indulgences and selecting cheap, healthy snacks can be the first step to looking after your budget and body. Choosing to pick up knick-knacks at Dollar General rather than more expensive outlets may be another way to ensure your money goes further.
Teenage couples may want to brainstorm how to hold a budget-friendly 18th birthday party for their partner. Cooking classes, tea parties, or having a spa day are just some potential celebratory ideas that won’t break the bank.
These pointers may seem easier to read about than to implement. Yet the good news is that money and love seem to get easier with the passing of time.
While a staggering 24% of Gen Z respondents in the Northwestern survey felt one lover blames the other for a poor loss-making financial decision, just 4% of baby boomers said the same. This parallels a general decline in financial challenges reported as relationships mature over time. With more experience gained and greater wealth accumulated, the couples that last the test of time tend to learn how to work through their differences.
That should be a heartwarming takeaway for anyone who gets the chills when discussing money with their partner.
